Compulsion Canary Check
Treat a returning urge as a signal to investigate the feeling beneath it
- Difficulty
- Advanced
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- 95%
After two years without pornography, Portnoy felt the urge return and disclosed it to both Melissa and Anne-Marie. Rather than treating the urge only as a rule violation, his coaching work used it as information. He asks how he feels when the urge calls, while it is happening, and afterward, then looks for something in his life that he may be resisting or fearing. Curiosity is described as turning on the lights: it makes the sequence less automatic and exposes conditions that were operating partly outside awareness. The urge becomes a canary in the coal mine and an entry point for deeper work. This is not a universal argument against safeguards; Portnoy describes his own supported process, and dangerous behavior still requires appropriate protection and professional care.
Origin
Portnoy developed this check with Melissa after an old pornography urge returned following two years without it.
Core principles
- 01A returning urge can signal an unresolved internal condition
- 02Curiosity makes a hidden pattern observable
- 03Feelings before, during, and after the urge provide different evidence
- 04Addressing the deeper issue matters more than suppressing one signal
How to run it
- 1
Recognize the signal
Notice the return of an old urge without immediately converting it into a verdict about yourself.
Pro tip Name the urge as early as possible.
Watch out If acting creates immediate danger, prioritize distance, safeguards, and professional help.
- 2
Check the before state
Identify the emotions, bodily state, events, and thoughts present as the urge begins.
Pro tip Look especially for fear or resistance that has not been acknowledged.
Watch out Do not force a neat explanation from one occurrence.
- 3
Observe the sequence
Track how attention and feeling change during the urge or behavior instead of remaining on autopilot.
Pro tip A brief written note can make the sequence visible later.
Watch out Observation is not permission to continue a harmful act.
- 4
Check the after state
Record what changed, what remained, and whether the urge actually addressed the original feeling.
Pro tip Compare before and after language rather than relying on memory.
Watch out Shame after the event can obscure the original trigger.
- 5
Trace the deeper issue
Review current life circumstances for resistance, fear, or another unresolved condition connected to the pattern.
Pro tip Treat repeated antecedents as stronger evidence than a single guess.
Watch out Self-inquiry does not replace diagnosis or treatment.
- 6
Enter supported work
Share the signal and observations with an appropriate trusted helper and work on the underlying issue.
Pro tip Disclosure keeps the signal from returning to secrecy.
Watch out Choose support appropriate to the seriousness of the behavior.
In the wild
When pornography called again after a long absence, Portnoy told Melissa and Anne-Marie. He became curious about his feelings around the urge and found that it often pointed toward something he was resisting or afraid of.
→ The urge became an early warning and an entry point into further personal work.
Common mistakes
Using curiosity as permission
The purpose is to expose the pattern and address its cause, not justify behavior that causes harm.
Assuming one trigger explains all urges
Patterns should be grounded in repeated observations rather than a convenient single story.
Rejecting needed safeguards
Portnoy's personal choice not to use filters is not a general rule for every risk level or person.
Is it for you?
Best for
People already doing supported recovery work who want to understand a returning non-emergency compulsion.
Not ideal for
High-risk behavior where immediate safeguards, medical care, or crisis support must take priority over observation.
From the transcript
“if you're going to engage with it you need to get curious how am i feeling when this is calling me how am i feeling…”
“as i started to get more curious about it that's essentially like turning the lights on”
“this becomes the canary in the coal mine that tells me something's not right and that becomes an entry point into my work”
From the episode
#600: Jason Portnoy of PayPal, Palantir, and More — Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, Healing Wounds, Escaping Shame Cycles, and Books to Change Your Life
Jason Portnoy