Path of Possible
Influence yourself, the other side, and the surrounding whole
- Difficulty
- Expert
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 3
- Confidence
- 99%
The Path of Possible organizes conflict transformation around three fields of influence. First, go to the balcony: pause the reaction, observe the scene from mental and emotional distance, keep sight of the objective, and choose a response deliberately. Second, build a golden bridge: listen, create, understand fears and aspirations, and make the desired way forward attractive and easier for the other side to take. Third, take the third side: look beyond the apparent pair of opponents to the surrounding people affected by the conflict and mobilize that community for the benefit of the whole. The sequence moves from influencing yourself, to influencing the other, to influencing the larger system. It seeks a workable new beginning even where no permanent end to conflict exists.
Origin
Jim Collins challenged Ury during a mountain hike to summarize his lifetime of negotiation learning in one sentence. Ury distilled it into the balcony, golden bridge, and third side.
Core principles
- 01Influence starts with self-mastery
- 02Make the desired decision easier for the other side
- 03Every two-sided conflict has a surrounding third side
- 04Transform the conflict when no final solution exists
How to run it
- 1
Go to the balcony
Create a gap between stimulus and response. Observe the negotiation like a play, remember what matters most, and scan for a way through.
Pro tip Use a draft, break, walk, or physical cue to interrupt reactivity.
Watch out Do not send the speech, email, or message you will regret.
- 2
Build a golden bridge
Listen for the other side's interests, fears, and aspirations. Create an attractive route that makes the decision you want easier for them.
Pro tip Include dignity and a credible way to explain the decision.
Watch out Do not corner the other side without a way forward.
- 3
Take the third side
Identify the wider community affected by the conflict and engage it as a stabilizing resource. Orient that support toward the benefit of the whole.
Pro tip Include family, colleagues, institutions, or communities that bear the consequences.
Watch out Do not reduce a system-wide conflict to only its two loudest parties.
In the wild
Ury describes Nelson Mandela learning to control his reactivity in prison, studying the language, history, trauma, and suffering of his enemies, then helping build them a way out. Mandela also mobilized South Africans and the wider world as a community around the conflict.
→ The conflict was transformed and Mandela became president despite earlier expectations of prolonged racial war.
While Hugo Chávez shouted at him before the cabinet, Ury pinched his palm to stay alert, remembered his interest in calming the situation, and listened instead of arguing. When Chávez's anger ran out of fuel, he asked Ury what he should do.
→ Ury proposed a holiday truce, which Chávez accepted and said he would announce.
Common mistakes
Trying to influence while reactive
A negotiator who cannot influence their own response is poorly positioned to influence anyone else.
Building an ordinary exit
A reluctant escape route is weaker than a bridge made attractive by real interests, dignity, and persuasion.
Ignoring the surrounding system
Family, colleagues, and communities can either sustain the conflict or provide the container for transformation.
Is it for you?
Best for
It is best for entrenched interpersonal, organizational, community, or political conflicts requiring change at several levels.
Not ideal for
It is not ideal as a promise of a quick settlement where safety, authority, or community support is absent.
From the transcript
“the path the possible is to go to the balcony build a golden bridge and take the third side influence yourself influence the other influence…”
“negotiation even though we think of it as trying to get the other side to do what we want them to do it starts with…”
“maybe the greatest power you have in a negotiation is the power not to react”
From the episode
#721: Master Negotiator William Ury — Proven Strategies and Amazing Stories from Warren Buffett, Nelson Mandela, Kim Jong Un, Hugo Chávez, and More
William Ury