The Art of Living Coach
Federer has a full-time coach and Pavarotti had a singing teacher — why would you coach yourself at life?
- Difficulty
- Moderate
- Time to result
- ~months to results
- Steps
- 7
- Confidence
- 88%
Jackman makes the argument by analogy and is disarmingly direct about the resistance. He used to think it was an Australian thing to sneer at it — the Americans always have their therapists and psychiatrists, come on, silly. Now his position is that it is a little arrogant to think you have got it all sorted out, and that if help is available, why would you not want it? His two examples close the argument: Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time and has a half or full-time coach, and Pavarotti had a singing teacher to the end of his life. So why would we not invest that in the art of living? His own coach, Lauren Zander, found through Dr Mark Hyman, has in his words changed his life over four years, and the work is concrete rather than therapeutic. She named an alter ego in him she calls Perfect Tommy, from the eighties film Buckaroo Banzai, and now asks whether he is being Perfect Tommy — which means that even when Tim compliments his kindness, Jackman can ask himself whether that is the real him or the performance. The instruction she gave him is a single sentence he now runs on: do the work that you need to do, do not do an ounce more than you need to do. He is honest that he was prone to being an over-worker and missing some of the fun of his life because of it, and that letting go on film and on stage — not letting his own expectations get in the way — took real work. The same attentional discipline shows up in his puzzle habit, which he calls another form of meditation and which he says has permanently increased how much he notices of the world.
Origin
Jackman found life coach Lauren Zander through Dr Mark Hyman and had worked with her for four years at the time of recording. He describes the relationship as having changed his life in the last four years, big time, after a lifetime of dismissing coaching outside sport as an American affectation.
Core principles
- 01It is a little arrogant to think you have got it all sorted out — if help is available, why would you not want it?
- 02The greatest performers in every other domain keep a coach for life; the art of living is the one place people refuse one.
- 03A coach's value is the observation you cannot make yourself, delivered by someone with permission to say it.
- 04Effective coaching is specific and behavioural: do the work you need to do, and do not do an ounce more than you need to do.
- 05Over-working and over-controlling are ways of missing your own life, and they feel like virtue from the inside.
- 06Naming the pattern gives you a handle on it — an alter ego you can address rather than a trait you are stuck with.
- 07Deep attention to something ordinary permanently changes how much of the world you can see afterwards.
- 08Noticing the little things is a large part of the art of living, and it can be trained through a deliberately slow activity.
How to run it
- 1
Drop the arrogance objection
Jackman's own turn: he used to think it was an Australian thing to mock therapists and coaches, and now considers it a little arrogant to think you have got it all sorted out. Why would you not want help?
Pro tip The objection is usually cultural, not reasoned — name it as culture and it loses most of its force.
- 2
Apply the Federer test
Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time and keeps a half or full-time coach; Pavarotti had a singing teacher to the end of his life. Jackman's question is why we would not invest that same thing in the art of living.
Pro tip Find your own domain equivalent — the best person you know of in your field almost certainly has a coach.
Watch out If you accept coaching in your craft and reject it in your life, the inconsistency is the argument.
- 3
Give someone permission to be blunt
Zander's interventions are direct: a text saying she needs to slap him, or telling him that in general he is a good listener but sometimes he is better at looking like a good listener than being one. Jackman's response is to take the slap.
Pro tip The value is in the observation you cannot make about yourself, so the permission has to be granted in advance.
Watch out A coach who softens everything is providing comfort, not coaching.
- 4
Name the pattern as a character
Zander named an alter ego in Jackman she calls Perfect Tommy, from the eighties film Buckaroo Banzai, and now asks whether he is being Perfect Tommy. Naming it lets him interrogate his own good behaviour rather than simply accept the compliment.
Pro tip Jackman applies it live in the episode — when Tim praises his kindness to everyone, he asks whether that is the real him or Perfect Tommy.
- 5
Do the work and not an ounce more
Her instruction to him is precise: trust yourself, do the work that you need to do, do not do an ounce more than you need to do. Jackman admits he was more prone to being an over-worker and missed some of the fun of his life because of it.
Pro tip This is the 85% rule stated as a life principle rather than a sprint mechanic.
Watch out Over-working reads as diligence from inside and as avoidance from outside.
- 6
Practise letting go where you are most controlling
Jackman says he can be a bit of a control freak and has really worked on it — on film, on stage, on not letting his own expectations get in the way. Tim observes from the outside that he has cultivated the ability to surrender in specific circumstances, and names it a huge strength.
Pro tip Pick the specific arena where you are tightest and work there, rather than trying to become generally more relaxed.
- 7
Train attention on something slow
Jackman's puzzle habit is his attentional practice — he calls it probably another form of meditation, something that stops his mind going, with a weird sense of accomplishment as every piece finds its place. He recommends starting with a 1,000-piece puzzle and not a black-and-white image.
Pro tip Choose a place you love or a photo of people you love, so the month of attention has something personal to attach to.
Watch out He has to set an alarm to make himself go to bed, because he can stay up until 4am doing puzzles.
In the wild
Jackman confronts his own former prejudice directly: he used to think it was an Australian thing to dismiss the idea, that the Americans always have their therapists and psychiatrists, come on, silly. His reversal is short — it is a little arrogant to think you have got it all sorted out, and why would you not want help? Roger Federer is the greatest tennis player of all time and has a half or full-time coach. Pavarotti had a singing teacher to the end of his life. So why would we not invest that in the art of living?
→ Four years with Lauren Zander which he says has changed his life in the last four years, big time.
Zander jokingly named an alter ego in Jackman after Perfect Tommy from the eighties film Buckaroo Banzai, and now asks him whether he is being Perfect Tommy. He applies it in real time during the interview: when Tim compliments him for being kind to everyone, Jackman's internal response is to wonder whether that is the real him or just Perfect Tommy. He says she has really made him work on that and on trusting himself — do the work that you need to do, and do not do an ounce more than you need to do.
→ A named handle on a perfectionist pattern, and a working corrective for an over-worker who was missing some of the fun of his life.
Jackman had not done a puzzle since he was about eight until he tried to find something he and his convalescing father could do together — his father lasted 30 minutes and quit, and Jackman got addicted. He does puzzles of places he has been or lived, and had a photograph of himself and Deb on a favourite holiday made into one for Valentine's Day. His point is about attention: you look at a scene for about a month, focusing on the details of this building, that tree, and when you go back to that place your appreciation of the world is so much greater. He compares it to how artists must experience a sunset after years immersed in colour and composition.
→ A permanent upgrade in noticing, which he and Tim agree is a big part of the art of living — and, he adds, an activity during which his restless leg syndrome does not appear at all.
Common mistakes
Treating coaching as an admission of failure
Jackman's own former position, which he now calls a little arrogant. Every elite performer in every other domain keeps a coach permanently; refusing one for life itself is the anomaly, not the norm.
Hiring a coach who will not be blunt
Zander's value in Jackman's telling comes precisely from lines like 'I think you're preparing to choke' and 'sometimes you're better at looking like a good listener'. A coach optimising for your comfort delivers none of that.
Working more as a substitute for working right
Jackman describes himself as prone to being an over-worker who missed some of the fun of his life. The instruction to do not an ounce more than you need to do is a correction, not permission to slack — and it took years of work to accept.
Never practising sustained attention on anything
Without a slow activity that holds you on one image or idea for weeks, the noticing does not develop. Jackman's puzzles are the mechanism; the specific activity matters less than that something occupies the mind slowly and completely.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone competent enough to have stopped receiving honest feedback, and anyone whose default failure mode — over-working, over-controlling, perfectionism — is invisible from the inside.
Not ideal for
People who would use a coach as an authority to defer to rather than as an observer, replacing their own judgment instead of sharpening it.
From the transcript
“roger federer is the greatest tennis player of all time and he is half full time coach”
“why wouldn't we invest that in the art of living”
“do the work that you need to do don't do an ounce more than you need to do”
“i think it's probably another form of meditation in a way it stops my mind going”
From the episode
#444: Hugh Jackman on Best Decisions, Daily Routines, The 85% Rule, Favorite Exercises, Mind Training, and Much More