Your Religion Is In Your Actions
Let people notice how you behave rather than telling them what you believe.
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~ongoing to results
- Steps
- 7
- Confidence
- 89%
Tim reads Jackman a quote from an old Good Housekeeping interview: at one point in a fellowship where everyone wore the fish symbol to identify as Christian, the young Jackman asked his father why he did not wear it at work, and his father answered that your religion should be in your actions. Jackman fills in the context — his father was converted by Billy Graham and his mother was not, a divergence that contributed to the end of their marriage; his mother left when he was eight and he was raised primarily by his father. At 13 or 14, deep in church and fellowship groups, he brought home one of the car stickers and told his dad they were meant to spread the word. He was disappointed by the answer and thought it was a cop-out. Only later did he understand the mechanism: if people should know you are a Christian through your actions, it is so much more powerful when someone eventually comes up and says there is something about you, I do not know what it is, but I would love to know where I can get it — because then there is an opening. What people have noticed about how you act is far stronger than what you say. The rest of the family teaching runs alongside it: you cannot over-invest in education, and if you are ever in doubt about what to do, go and learn more. A stickler on ethics — if you accept an invitation to a mate's place across the road and an hour later the Queen invites you to Buckingham Palace, you stick by your first one. And from his mother, the line she still says: everyone needs to feel appreciated, no matter what they do or who they are.
Origin
Jackman's father, a Price Waterhouse accountant and Rhodes Scholar converted by Billy Graham, rarely offered maxims — but the few he did have stuck. Jackman was raised primarily by him from age eight, absorbing ethics by observation rather than instruction, and now watches his own children pick up the same behaviours.
Core principles
- 01What people have noticed about how you act is far stronger than what you say about yourself.
- 02Advertising a belief closes the conversation; embodying it opens one, because someone eventually asks where they can get what you have.
- 03You keep your word even when it does not benefit you — a prior small commitment outranks a spectacular later invitation.
- 04Everyone needs to feel appreciated, regardless of what they do or who they are; it is a need in everybody.
- 05The generalisation of appreciation is that people need to be seen for who they are and appreciated for what they give.
- 06You cannot over-invest in education — if you are ever in doubt about what to do, go and learn more.
- 07Manners are the trained floor; instinct is the ceiling, and the gap between them is visible to everyone.
- 08At some point advice must stop and the other person has to make their own decisions, which requires holding your tongue when you can see the answer clearly.
How to run it
- 1
Stop announcing the value
Remove the badge. Jackman's father did not wear the fish symbol at work despite being a genuine convert, on the principle that your religion should be in your actions.
Pro tip Notice how much of your identity signalling is aimed at people who already agree with you.
Watch out Jackman's initial reaction at 13 was that this was a cop-out — expect the position to look like cowardice before it looks like integrity.
- 2
Let the behaviour create the opening
The mechanism his father was relying on: it is so much more powerful when someone eventually comes up to you and says there is something about you, I do not know what it is, but I would love to know where I can get it. That is when the conversation actually starts.
Pro tip An unprompted question from someone else is a far better opening than any statement you can make.
- 3
Keep your word against your own interest
Jackman's father was a stickler on ethics: if you get an invitation to go across the road to a mate's place, and an hour later you get an invitation from the Queen of England to Buckingham Palace, you stick by your first one. You keep your word even if it does not benefit you.
Pro tip The rule is only tested when the second offer is genuinely better — that is the whole point of it.
Watch out One publicly broken small commitment costs more reputation than the grand event gains.
- 4
Extend identical courtesy to everyone
Tim's observation of Jackman is that he shakes hands with everyone he meets and extends the same courtesy from the janitor to a prime minister. Jackman traces this to how he was brought up — it is like manners, the way he was taught to be.
Pro tip His small habit: at someone else's dinner party he will not take a chip from the bowl until he has offered it to everyone around him.
- 5
Make people feel appreciated and seen
From his mother, who still says it: everyone needs to feel appreciated, it does not matter what they do or who they are — it is a need in everybody. Jackman extrapolates it, partly through Brené Brown, to people needing to be seen for who they are and appreciated for what they give.
Pro tip It really does not take a lot; he notes with pleasure that his own kids have picked it up.
- 6
Default to learning when in doubt
His father's other maxim: you cannot over-invest in education, and if you are ever in doubt about what to do, go and learn more. Jackman applied it directly when choosing between a spot on Neighbours and three years at the West Australian Academy of Performing Arts.
Pro tip He chose the school because he wanted to feel he could audition for the Royal Shakespeare Company, not just belong on a TV set.
- 7
Hold your tongue at the fork
Jackman asked his father directly on the Friday what he should do, and was told: I can't answer that for you. When he announced his decision on the Sunday his father said, you're a man, you have to make those decisions on your own. Jackman, now with a 20-year-old, says he does not know if he could hold his tongue if he could see it that clearly.
Pro tip The restraint is the teaching — it transfers the decision-making rather than the decision.
Watch out Supplying the answer robs the other person of the only part that generalises.
In the wild
At about 13 or 14, deep in school church groups and fellowship groups, Jackman got hold of one of the fish stickers you put on the back of the car and told his father they should put it on — they were meant to spread the word. His father, converted by Billy Graham but by his own son's description not a Bible basher and someone who rarely talked about it, told him that people should know you are a Christian through your actions. Jackman was disappointed and thought it was a cop-out. Only later did he realise the strength of it: it is so much more powerful if someone eventually comes up and says there is something about you, I do not know what it is, but I would love to know where I can get it — because then there is an opening.
→ A lifelong operating principle, which Tim independently confirms from watching Jackman with janitors, fans, family and prime ministers alike.
Jackman's father was, in his words, just a stickler on ethics. His illustration: if you get an invitation to go across the road to a mate's place for dinner, and then an hour later you get an invitation from the Queen of England to go to Buckingham Palace, you stick by your first one. You keep your word even if it does not benefit you.
→ A rule with a deliberately extreme test case, which makes it unambiguous in every lesser situation.
At 22 Jackman was cast in a TV show and simultaneously got a place at the revered West Australian Academy of Performing Arts, and had a weekend to choose — Neighbours being the breeding ground that produced Kylie Minogue and others. He rang his father on the Friday and said he did not know what to do and needed his help; his father said he could not answer that for him. By Sunday it was clear: his father's lesson about education had sunk in, and he wanted to feel not only that he belonged on a TV set but that he could audition for the Royal Shakespeare Company. When he told his dad, the answer was: you're a man, you have to make those decisions on your own.
→ Three years of training that Jackman credits with the confidence to pursue the world stage, and a model of parental restraint he is not sure he could replicate.
Common mistakes
Wearing the badge instead of doing the work
The sticker announces the identity and forecloses the curiosity. Jackman's father's whole point is that the opening only exists when someone notices something in your behaviour and asks about it unprompted.
Breaking a small commitment for a big opportunity
The Queen-versus-the-mate test exists precisely because the second invitation is better. Honouring your word only when it costs nothing is not a rule, it is a preference.
Confusing trained manners with real connection
Jackman is unusually honest here: he was brought up to offer the chips and clean up, but his wife Deb acts purely from instinct and heart — she cannot walk past someone homeless, where he sometimes decides he is too busy. Manners are the floor, and mistaking them for the ceiling stops the growth.
Answering the question they have to answer themselves
Jackman's father refused to make the Neighbours decision for him even when directly begged. Solving it would have been kind in the moment and would have removed the lesson that Jackman still runs on.
Is it for you?
Best for
Leaders, parents and public figures whose influence rests on being consistently observed over years rather than on any single message.
Not ideal for
Situations that genuinely require explicit advocacy or a public stand, where silent example lets the wrong position go uncontested.
From the transcript
“and he said your religion should be in your actions”
“you cannot over invest in education that's one he would say to us”
“when he said people should know you're a christian through your actions he's so much more powerful”
“you keep your word no even if it does not benefit you you always keep your word”
From the episode
#444: Hugh Jackman on Best Decisions, Daily Routines, The 85% Rule, Favorite Exercises, Mind Training, and Much More